In the final stretch....or darn near it!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the Captain speaking. At this point in the semester, I would like to remind you that we have now entered the final 4 weeks. I have turned on the 'fasten seatbelt' sign a.k.a stock up on caffeine, say goodbye to regular sleep and eating patterns, pack your bags in readiness for the move to the library (once 24/7 commences), and generally get ready to go out of your mind. I would also like to remind u that all your professors are 100% behind you, showing their support by giving you midterms so near finals, extra HW and readings, and generally thinking that their's is the only class you're taking, and that you also don't have a social life of your own. Also, in the interest of public hygiene, it is requested of all passengers, to visit the bathroom atleat once a day, during which it is strongly recommended that you brush your teeth (if not floss and/or gargle with mouthwash), AND TAKE A SHOWER. Furthermore, please keep abreast of your laundry, so that you do not run out of clean underwear and are not forced to dig through the dirty clothes laundry basket.
Once again we thankyou for choosing Mt Holyoke College as your college, and hope that you will donate money (very) generously (or we will hound you till you do) once you've (finally) graduated. Also remember us, when choosing a college for your daughter (when you have one, and hopefully you will have put your degree from here to good use, or have atleast been smart enough to marry well, and will pay full tuition).
We wish you a very stressful 4 weeks.